Bittersweet

Bittersweet describes my life right now.  The exact date that Callen’s papers were signed and we could officially feel like he was part of our family, my grandmother had a massive stroke while on a Disney cruise ship in Mexico.  The nightmare my aunt and cousin had to go through to get her from the hospital in Mexico to Houston is unimaginable.  She is now in Houston and hooked up to ventilators and unconscious.

My grandmother watched her mother suffer for five years in a vegetable-like state after a stroke took her physical body.  After enduring this for so many years, she left a very specific will to not be placed on life support or feeding tubes if the situation could not improve.  We want to honor wishes as she was 82 years old and already in frail condition while wanting to give her time to recover if that is even possible.

My amazing husband took our five day old son for the entire day while I went back to Houston to say good bye and see my grandmother’s progress.  Callen was perfectly cared for and my husband survived with flying colors.  He did phenomenal actually.  I had such peace knowing Nathan was in charge.  When I came home, he was guiding me in all that Callen liked and did not like.  Nathan knows him so well now!

My grandmother was a very special lady to me.  She was so present in my life and was able to attend every important event in my life.  Graduations (high school, bachelor, masters), wedding, showers, prom, birthdays etc. she was there for it all.  Callen held a special place in her heart because I learned that she and my grandfather also struggled with fertility.  I learned that they were seeking to adopt to start their family, but then after seven years, they miraculously became pregnant.  She knows more than anyone how important this adoption was to us.  She wanted to help in any way that she could.

On the day that we found out that Callen was joining our family, she was on a cruise ship and desperately eager to know.  She had been praying so hard for our family and told everyone she knew about our journey.  She cried over and over when she knew that we were placed.  On the day she had a stroke, she learned it was final and he was coming home with us.  She said it was the happiest day of her life.  I believe it.

My sadness is so great as we celebrate a life and as we mourn the possible loss of another one.  Our God creates miracles, but I think she was ready to go home.  If she could fight, she would for our baby, but her body was so frail and damaged and she hated the loss of her freedom and health.  It is in God’s hands, but I find peace in knowing that she knew Callen was with us and would be ours forever.  I will meet her in Heaven someday and thank her for her generosity, guidance, love and prayers.

The good news is: God conquered death so that we could live for eternity with Him.  My Maw Maw is going home if the good Lord permits.  I was able to say my good bye and trust in his will.  The tragedy or irony is that the family will make their final decision on Monday, December 17th…her 83rd birthday.  God be with the doctors and all those involved.